Owning It

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I have two blogs - one for my everyday life and this one for my crafty life, and I think I have come up with an answer. I am ashamed of wanting to be artistic! How stupid is that? Okay, now the reason. My sperm-donor/father was (and as far as I know still is) an artist. I have such a loathing for this man that I have suppressed myself for YEARS! The reason I did not know what I wanted to do at college was because I did not want to say ART. My mother encouraged me in art. As hard pressed as she was to support us she let me do so much, including a watercolr class. She was proud of my artistic side ... but I was not. I still am not. I hide what I create. Even my scrapbooking stuff, hidden away. I have spent so many years pushing any tie to him away that I have buried myself. I am slowly trying to overcome that. I have posted a link to this blog on my other blog, whether or not anyone has ever followed it remains to be seen. And along the same lines I have put a link to my real-life blog here for anyone who happens by. In the huge batches of photos I send my Mom through KodakGallery I have slipped in a few paintings. I am trying to own the fact that I AM AN ARTIST ... because I want to be, and because I say so!! Still, not so deep down I am still ashamed that it is so.