Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Owning It

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I have two blogs - one for my everyday life and this one for my crafty life, and I think I have come up with an answer. I am ashamed of wanting to be artistic! How stupid is that? Okay, now the reason. My sperm-donor/father was (and as far as I know still is) an artist. I have such a loathing for this man that I have suppressed myself for YEARS! The reason I did not know what I wanted to do at college was because I did not want to say ART. My mother encouraged me in art. As hard pressed as she was to support us she let me do so much, including a watercolr class. She was proud of my artistic side ... but I was not. I still am not. I hide what I create. Even my scrapbooking stuff, hidden away. I have spent so many years pushing any tie to him away that I have buried myself. I am slowly trying to overcome that. I have posted a link to this blog on my other blog, whether or not anyone has ever followed it remains to be seen. And along the same lines I have put a link to my real-life blog here for anyone who happens by. In the huge batches of photos I send my Mom through KodakGallery I have slipped in a few paintings. I am trying to own the fact that I AM AN ARTIST ... because I want to be, and because I say so!! Still, not so deep down I am still ashamed that it is so.

1 comment:

karen said...

Hey, our sperm-donor dad had great creative talents. We have no great love for him (as plainly evident in Journal Revolution), and we will gladly take any good things he inadvertently gave us! So if any of our creative skills trace to him, well, he owes us at least that. We'll take it, use it, and know that these gifts are in us, now, and we minimize only ourselves if we deny their expression.
You are a wonderful artist. Don't punish the rest of us because your dad was our dad!