Friday, January 05, 2007

New Year

Guess it is time for a new me ... or to discover the old me. The one that existed before I was a wife, before I was a mother. The one that is inherently me, and that has been missing for so long. I have spent the past half year, journaling and trying to look inside myself to figure out who exactly I have become. Not sure I even like what I have seen. There are things about myself that I don't like, but can't change. Seriously, you would think that you could change things about yourself, but how do you change your first reactions? That first thought that leaps into your head in any given situation. You can control it, and you can repress it, but you can't change it. I am struggling with the idea that it is enough to deny my instincts in certain matters. I am struggling with the desire to be a good girl, a good wife, and a good mother. All of which are intertwined with each other. And I am especially struggling with the need to be a woman!! To be ME!
So, what does that have to do with my "scrapcave"? Maybe that I haven't been in it in a while. Mom was in town, and since it is also the guest room I couldn't really take time to play. I have some ideas in my head. I printed out the start of my Scrapjournal for this year. I need to finish off the last few pages of last year. This fulltime thing is kicking my tush, and leaving me no time for myself. Thank goodness for journals! I have a couple going now. My big journal, my collagey journal, and a new little one of conversations and thoughts I will never share. Once again, we are onto the idea that there are things about myself that are repressed... for good reason :)

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